Tuesday, October 25 th, 2016 at 00:10 am 

Somewhere – Movie Review


Hollywood actor Johnny Marco, nested in his luxury hotel of choice, is a stimulated man. Drinking, parties and women keep a creeping boredom under wraps in between jobs. He is the occasional father of a bright girl, Cleo, who may be spoiled but doesn’t act it. When Cleo’s mother drops her off and leaves town, Johnny brings her along for the ride, but can he fit an 11-year-old girl into his privileged lifestyle? Written by Peter Brandt Nielsen


Somewhere is written and directed by Sophia Coppola, and I swear to you if her name was Sophia Smith, this movie never would have been made. The plot, such as it is, is that Stephen Dorff plays a movie star who is divorced from his wife who has a relationship with Elle Fanning who is his daughter. Nothing happens. You know that you’re in trouble at the beginning of the movie because a Ferrari goes running around — the camera is fixed, and it goes in a circuit four times. On the fifth time, it stops in front of you. Each of these laps take maybe 45 or 50 seconds. So you’re just watching a car — no dialogue, no anything — going around four different times. And the fifth time it stops. I mean, this whole thing could have been compressed to like 15 seconds and you’ve just spent three minutes watching it and nothing’s happened. That’s what happens in the rest of movie. Zero stars.