Contraband

Wednesday, December 07 th, 2016 at 00:12 am 

Contraband

JOY REVIEW

This is Mark Wahlberg paying the husband of Kate Beckinsale with two kids who seem to be twins, adorable. We never really know much about them. His best friend, Ben Foster, is part of a wedding party that includes Lukas Haas. It turns out all of them used to be in the life, they used to be smugglers. In fact, we go and visit Mark’s dad in prison. Mark is Chris in this particular movie and it turns out that Kate’s younger brother has, in the opening scene, dumped some cocaine overboard when the customs board them, and the bad guys want either $700,000 or the cocaine. Giovanni Ribisi plays the bad guy, complete with many tats and a scraggly black beard and slicked back oily hair. This is one of those ‘let’s just throw everything in this one and see if we can keep the audience enthralled.’ It substitutes loud music for plot. You can see everything coming five miles away, including what’s supposed to be the big reveal at the end which you can see 14 miles away as well. It’s completely improbable. The first hour and a half is probably the most boring movie I ever sat through because they just keep throwing improbable situations on improbable situations, and look, I mean, I’m a fan of Mission Impossible, I thought that was really fun, but at least they admitted it’s Mission Impossible as opposed to — I don’t know what this is supposed to be, but it certainly wasn’t. The last 10 or 15 minutes are kind of fun to watch, even though you know exactly what’s going to happen, but this is a typical January movie. One star, and that’s being generous.

JOY METER